Takai Risou
by New Warrior of Fire
Summary: After waking from a nightmare, Retsu reflects on the most fragile part of his psyche. Oneshot. This fic was written before Lesson 6, so keep in mind this is just my spectulation, and please Read and Review.


Retsu was standing atop a cliff, twenty meters off the ground, and scared out of his mind. It had been a long climb, and he had been sure he was going to fall at any moment, despite the fact that he was wearing a harness. But even that hadn't been so bad compared to this. The climb up the cliff, no matter how steep (and this one was), wasn't the dangerous part.

_It was the climb down._

_His rock climbing teacher was standing below, waiting for him to come down. "Come on, kid," the teacher said, sounding_ _impatient._

_Retsu slowly began his departure. He tightly clung to the rope as the teacher lowered him toward the ground. _

_Suddenly, he felt himself plummeting toward the ground, then come to a jarring stop. His teacher had put too much slack into the rope. "SLOWLY!" Retsu pleaded in a frantic scream._

_The teacher chuckled softly. "Don't worry, I've got you." He started putting a little more slack into the rope, and Retsu turned his attention back to the cliff. He drew in a shaky breath, hoping his feet would touch the earth again. _

_He didn't have to do that, Retsu thought. I'm not the best rock climber ever . . . okay, maybe I'm the worst rock climber in the class, but still, he shouldn't punish me for it._

_Retsu looked down at the ground, some eighteen meters below. His heart accelerated at the dizzying height. It was such a long way up, or worse, a long way down. Without warning, he once again slid down the cliff, plummeting toward the ground. Retsu grabbed for the rock face, desperately trying to slow his fall. He screamed as the friction tore the skin off his flesh before he once again came to a jarring stop._

Retsu sat up in his bed, drenched in sweat and violently shaking. His every heartbeat was pounding into his chest like a driving blow, and his breathing was harsh and rapid.

Retsu looked at the clock beside his bed. It was 2:37 a.m. He sighed and flopped back onto his bed, though he doubted that he could get back to sleep after that. What he'd just seen was no ordinary nightmare; it was a memory. The dream was exactly how it'd been, that time he'd gone rock climbing when he was fifteen; its every traumatic detail was burned into his memory.

Most of the time, Retsu tried not to think about it. But sometimes it really bothered him; not only what had happened then, but that ever since he'd been deathly afraid of heights.

It was a problem that no one really seemed to understand. Other people wouldn't think it was such a big deal, but to Retsu it was. He took his failure at rock climbing very personally; in his youth, he had aspired to be an adventurer. Adventurers weren't afraid of anything, and his own fear made him hate himself sometimes. In a way, that was what had led to his decision to join Gekiranger. Retsu needed something he could immerse himself in, something he could excel at to make up for what found to be lacking in himself. That was what drove him to train as hard as he did; what made him hold himself to such a high standard.

He kept it a guarded secret, especially from Master Shafu and the other Rangers. That was why he came off as being arrogant sometimes. He would rather be thought of as arrogant than afraid. In turth, he felt kind of guilty about it. Ran, with her honest heart, never kept secrets from the team. And then there was Jan, whom Retsu envied. Jan was good at everything, while he felt like had to struggle to just be okay. Master Shafu was wise and accepting, but Retsu was afraid that if he ever found out he would fire him. He knew it wasn't likely that he would get fired for that alone, but when it came to his secret fear, he couldn't seem to think about anything rationally.

Retsu wondered why he'd had that dream again. It had seemed to come out of nowhere, in fact, he hadn't thought about it a lot lately, well, not in depth. Of course he thought about it at least a little every day; the shame never fully eluded him. Suddenly, he realizied it. Today was August 18th; it had been exactly two years since his rock climbing incident.

_So_, Retsu thought._ I've been acrophobic for exactly seven-hundred and thirty days. When does it end? _It was almost as sad that he was keeping track; that he could even remember the date of the fateful onset of his fear. In his mind he referred August 18th as Yami no hi, the day of darkness.

Maybe what hurt him more than his fear of heights was his low opinion of himself for it. Maybe if he stopped thinking about himself so negativey, he could be a happier, saner person. And maybe he could sleep at night without having nightmares.

Retsu sighed again, then closed his eyes and tried to quiet his mind. It was going to be a long night.


End file.
